Give your heart then change your mind
You're allowed to do it
'Cause God knows it's been done to you
And somehow you got through it

Alive in the age of worry
Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?"

Semiconscious

Playlist alert. I promise you'll like it. Now go knock yourself out. Tell me what you think.

Semiconscious

1. I Need Some Sleep/Eels (Once upon a time, this song does not exist on Youtube. Find it yourself)
2. Edge of Desire/John Mayer
3. Wild Horses/Natasha Bedingfield
4. Superman (It's Not Easy)/Five For Fighting
5. Everything/Lifehouse
6. Dear John/Taylor Swift
7. The Poison/All American Rejects
8. Naked As We Came/Iron & Wine
9. Crash Into Me/Dave Matthews Band
10. Little House/Amanda Seyfried
11. Turning Tables/Adele
12. Bottom of the Ocean/Miley Cyrus
13. A Beautiful Mess/Jason Mraz
14. Beautiful Disaster (Live)/Kelly Clarkson
15. Not Like the Movies/Katy Perry

Ya know? Like that not asleep, not awake mood?

The world is filled with
The lives of people who try to define
The lines that find you
Can anyone save you?

Go down the hall
Drink from the bottle
And never go home
No one's to blame
We're always the same

The truth is never far away
You always give yourself away
Through open eyes a slide of him
Won't you reveal to me?
Reveal to me

The Heart of Life Is Good

Whoever doesn't like John Mayer needs to get out.

Seriously, that man is genius. I knew some of his songs growing up, but it wasn't until the summer before my junior year that I started listening to a giant, "John Mayer" playlist on my iPod that I had ignored for too long.

I became obsessed in June and could not stop listening to him. So good. That summer, he was also conveniently coming to town. Natalie and I went and it cemented my obsession into me thinking I'm a close confidante he's never met.

Honestly, if you can't appreciate him in some way, we just can't be friends. At the same time, I'm secretly fiercely protective of who's allowed to listen to him. Like a really confused hipster.

Also, he's the #1 listened to artist on my iPod in case anyone cares.

Basically what I'm getting at:
Don't you dare call John a douche, insult his music, or really anything about him while I'm around. Seriously, just keep it quiet. I'll defend that man, probably too aggressively, until I die, I guess.

Looking to get into his music? Try these ten songs, in no particular order. In no way are these his ten best, but for today, they sound great to me.

1. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
2. Stop This Train
3. In Repair
4. The Heart of Life
5. Victoria
6. Comfortable
7. Why Georgia
8. Bigger Than My Body
9. The Age of Worry
10. A Face to Call Home

Wow. That was hard. I feel like I just flew away in a helicopter while 100 starving orphans watched me leave.

Also, remember how I'm going to Montana on an LDS mission? Well, I am. John lives in Montana.

Assume the rest.

I WORSHIP JOHN MAYER. IN A SLIGHTLY CREEPY WAY.

"I believe that my life's gonna see the love i give returned to me."

And Then I Remembered

About to lose my breathe,
There's no more fighting left,
Sinking to rise no more,
Searching for that open door.

And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret.
And I don't know if I'm going to make it.
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

Suddenly_Sinking

Why do I feel like this? "askdflpawoeifuvx;ckvxma,w;eflsidrjfea;selkfvudcio"

Building things up to break it back down again. Because that's what I'm good at these days. Days. Counting the days, because they really mean people, and that's what I'll miss the most. People that call me for a change. People that need Arby's on a Tuesday night. People that don't text back but you'll be waiting for them when they remember who their real friends are.

And nights. If the days get shorter, then the nights get longer. Getting cases of those late night tweets, and thinking of what movie to start at one a.m., and who you wish you were watching it with.

And who really loves me? Cause I can tell who does. And I love them back just as much.

And words. Holy crap the words. Trying to find some sort of outlet for all the words in my head and panicking when the wrong ones come out.

Basically I can be summed up as, "As for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out"

I might delete this in the morning. Might not.

Don't let me get me.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Blogpost From the Hot Place

One time, I thought it would be a great idea to ask everyone on Twitter what I should blog about.

I will now try to complete everyone's wishes.

@mlemae2: @ConnorWhite11 all your best buds, and inside jokes...

Em. There are too many. It's just a simple fact. But since I said I would, I will now say one nice thing and one inside joke about the first ten people that come to my head.

Eliza: Classiest woman. SCHNOW!

Emily M: Hilarious. M Dubs fiend. Schmeeeeee.

Sean: Stud. Great at DDR...haha. Baby goat....baby goat....

Hailey: Such a fiend, and so nice and funny. WE A HAPPY FAMILY

Krista: Wonder of the world, oh ya, she's Miss AF. Hottest thing. Magicmagicmagic

Mary: Funniest woman I know. Benitatatatata

K that's enough.

@SiDani143: @ConnorWhite11 ME.

Sid will always be the cul-de-sac bud. The potato salad fiend. The throw-rocks-at-your-window-and-catch-up friend. We almost never actually hang out, but it doesn't matter. When we do, it's just like we've been hanging out everyday. I mostly see her when we're leaving our houses. One time, we made a sweet pork and bean can telephone line across the cul-de-sac. It was epic. And it worked. Serious though, I love Sid. I would not have anyone else share a cul-de-sac with me. Oh ya, one time she joined drama and everything got ten times better. Roger + Gladyyysss forever. That girl makes me laugh so hard. Too much love for her.

@whitlockwonder: @ConnorWhite11 I want you to tell me all about the appropriate proportions for the ideal watering can. Go.

Well, Josh.

One part spout, fifteen parts can, 1/2 part handle. I don't think I could be any more appropriate.

@chandimc: @ConnorWhite11 me.

Chandi is a wonder of the world who makes me wonder where she was all my life. She is very fun to be around and appreciates all my Disney love. We're nerds together. I love when she wants to have a movie night at her house, and she wants to watch Dreamgirls and it's the best day. Or when she has a BBQ for all the seniors and I think she's the greatest human. Or, she just whips up a tray of brownies and everything is right in the world. Chandi is bomb.com.

@OlsenCameron: @ConnorWhite11 me!! :)

Cameron is my token ginger friend. I saw him at the movie theaters today. Cameron is the best because I can tell whatever crummy joke I have to him and he will laugh. Seriously, some jokes are only for his ears. He knows that. Also, we like to quote crummy movies too. But they're the best. Three.........amazing...........beandips *passes out* There's actually too many things we laugh at that aren't appropriate to write on the internet.

@melissadeaun: @ConnorWhite11 A story that will make me laugh really hard :)

It's actually so awkward because I don't think I have funny stories. So because I can't think of anything else...

Once upon a time, Natalie has a parrot. It's name is Pico because she wanted to think of a better name than Pico so she named it Pico while thinking of a new name and the new name never came so now it's called Pico. Bummer.

Me and Pico tried to be friends until the day it decided my finger was a hotdog and tried to chomp it off. So now I think of cute Beanie Babies they could make out of his dead body.

Seriously, I never associate with the bird. Never talk to the bird. Usually just give it the bird. Our only interactions are me throwing things at it's cage.

So revenge gets in it's head one day, right? And he's outside of his cage, sitting on top and decides its high-time to show the humans he can fly. Flies to Natalie's bed. Nbd. Natalie grabs him and sets him back on the cage. I start walking out of the room and suddenly Pico lets out a "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAELTONJOHNNNNNNNNNA" and comes flapping after the back of my head like the Nazgul in LOTR. Serious, that thing was freaking hellbent and I pooed my pants mid-run and barely made it around the corner.

Needless to say, Ryan and Tanner are enjoying their new stuffed animal. That blinks.


Well, folks. If you made it this far, I applaud you. If you need me, I will be watching the Men's Tell All. Bye.

You can say we’re done the way you always do
It’s easier to lie to me than to yourself
Forget about your friends, you know they’re gonna say
We’re bad for each other, but we ain’t good for anyone else

My Haunted Past

Once upon a time, a boy named Connor lived.

And when he was in third grade, a hamster lived with him.

Was this any normal hamster? No. Jason got the normal, brown, stereotypical hamster named "Buddy".

And me? I got the albino white, with fiendish red eyes one named "Daisy". But then my mom made me change it to "Snowball". The beginning of my therapy.

One day, Jason thought it would be a marvelous idea to leave the cage on a one foot stool in the middle of our room, and lock my dog Annie in the room.

Hours later, my third-grade self was contentedly finishing something terribly third-grade when I waltzed into the room to find the cage in pieces, Annie in an animalistic rage, and sawdust all over the floor.

"EEEEEEEEEEE" I shrieked.

I kicked Annie out of the room and began feverishly looking for hamsters. First, I found Jason's under a pile of socks in the closet. Safe as could be.

And then I saw Snowball.

He was in a lump on the ground. Annie had grabbed him with her mouth by his back legs and whipped him around until he flew off of his own legs. The red bloody stumps that were left were an eerie contrast to his white fur.

This is where I fly into a world-famous hysterical fit.

"JAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSOOOONNNN I WILL RIP THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! I WILL RUB TOOTHPASTE IN YOUR EYES! I WILL PUT JAM IN ALL YOUR UNDERWEAR! I WILL SING SONGS ABOUT YOUR PAST!  I WILL PUT DISEASE IN ALL YOUR FOOD! I WILL BLOG ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!"

I was uncontrollable and very violent. Finally, my mom talked me out of violent hate crimes and I had to go clean up the mess (Can you believe that? Now I have to clean up the murder site of my own pet. Ugh.)

I shoveled sawdust in an bawled my way through most of the cleaning. Then, through angsty tears, I made a discovery.

Two white legs.

I vowed to keep those legs forever. And it almost worked.

BRAINSCAR MOMENT: Then, I dropped my still breathing hamster in the trashcan outside, and I still remember his eyes staring at me as I closed the lid.

Months, and I mean months, possibly a year went by. One day, my mom was cleaning my room and she lifted up half an Easter egg lid and discovered two, tiny, shriveled, hamster legs. And she ate them. Jk.

Well kids, she threw them away. And I was sad.

{insert self-discovery and life-changing moral here}

Props to immunizations for keeping me safe from dead hamster disease.

Actually, to be honest. I'm not a packrat anymore. Yipee.

Awkward Me Here

Hi. The posts that seem semi-dramatic/sasha fierce status? They're just lyrics of songs that I obsess over. The artist and song title are in the labels. Expect more. And go look them up. Good songs, people. I won't lead you astray.